Out With Lanterns, Looking for Ourselves

Dear Friends,

“I am out with lanterns looking for myself.”

~Emily Dickinson 

From the extremely fortunate vantage point that I have in my profession, I always have a strong sense of how women are faring in their lives at any point in time. Right now, most are moving through this season feeling quietly overwhelmed. The country is unmoored, chaotic, and showing us stunning displays of cruelty and depravity. From mother to mother (including those trying very hard to be one), if we are in touch with our own moral compass and empathy for others, this is leaving us bereft. We are feeling overwhelmed and overstimulated, bombarded with bad news each day. This reality adds to the complexity of our own private lives; many are also carrying stories of fertility struggles, pregnancy and infant loss, postpartum exhaustion, illness, caregiving, identity shifts, and grief. It was already so much to hold. How can we take any more?

When so much is happening at once, it’s not surprising that many people feel very out of touch with themselves. This quote from Emily Dickinson has been playing on repeat through my mind: “I am out with lanterns looking for myself.” I’ve been modifying it also to, “I am out with lanterns looking for humanity.”

Through the lens of trauma, this collective dissociation makes sense. The nervous system does not separate personal stress from collective stress. Ongoing exposure to uncertainty, violence - some sexual in nature, fears for public safety, and social upheaval keeps the brain in a state of survival. Over time, this doesn’t always show up as panic — it often shows up as fatigue, numbness, irritability, difficulty concentrating, and emotional disconnection. It can also feel difficult to imagine aspects of a certain future, during what some are calling a “polycrisis”.  Guardian article: https://www.theguardian.com/wellness/2026/jan/14/new-year-polycrisis-psychology-feeling-trapped

So if you feel worn down, flat, anxious, fragile, or unmotivated, it is not a personal failing, nor is it just you. It is the body doing its best under sustained pressure. The world we’re living in is taking a steep toll on our psyche and soma. It’s important to do whatever activism makes sense for you right now, and that looks different for all of us. We must also keep up the personal practices of nurturing our own humanity, and honoring our own emotional and physical needs. Female joy and good care is also an act of revolution, and essential right now if you can cultivate some.

Here are a few gentle truths I am holding close: Right now, to be well, we must go back to the basics. 

Rest your body. Get good sleep, you need it. Sleep is queen. It is not an overstatement to say that it is the cornerstone of wellness. It makes sense that you’re tired, we’re overloaded. Beg, borrow, and steal for sleep.  Trust me that you need more than you’re getting and it will do you a lot of good. 

Take it slowly and mindfully. Slowness is needed right now. Presence and noticing help pull us out of dissociation, and soothe depression and anxiety. Take the long way home. Loop again around the block. Give yourself some extra time to not be so harried and rushed. I know this is easier said than done, but give it a good college try.

Eat good food. Make it with your hands. A soup you love or something from the magical ingredients of pasta and cheese. A recipe that’s warming and connects you to your people and the past. Finding nourishment in any meal is an antidote to this unwavering freeze we’re experiencing and the pain that we can feel in our breaking hearts. Food is comfort, food is strength. Extreme thinness comes back into vogue during periods of authoritarianism; have you noticed it yet? You have to be strong for the fight.

Do something with your hands. It feels productive to make something tangible right now. Did you ever knit? Puzzle? Paint? Punch needling might be for eight-year olds, and you! See if you can steal 30 minutes away from your life and do something tangible and soothing. Take a break from your mind. Granny crafts may just save us right now.

Move your body. There is no end to the gentle and restorative yogas that are available on youtube for free. Add in a space heater and a wonderful scent and see if you can bring yourself back to a deeper connection to your body. We can so easily live in our minds, but try and drop back into your physical self. Walking in the frozen world has its challenges right now, but moving our legs is basic bi-modal regulation at its best. You’ll have to focus to stay on your feet, so that might be useful right now too.  

Enjoy small moments that have a big impact. A warm drink, a call with a dear friend, an overdue note of hello, a deep and conscious breath, a scribbled journal entry, a whispered rant, a whimpered prayer, or yelling “notes” to the universe — these are useful moments of discharge and regulation. They help the body remember that rupture is okay, and safety exists and can be regained over and over. Box-breathing will always be there for us. 

Name your grief. Our overwhelm is macro and also quite personal. Global economic and political instability, the rising cost of living, social insecurity, severe weather events. This not only heightens anxiety but also makes it more difficult to keep trudging through all that our day-to-day life requires. There is likely is a gnawing pain in the middle of your heart for something very personal to you, and you do not have to minimize this to move forward. Say what is real, name it as what is true for you right now. Tell someone if possible.

Be held. Anxiety, numbness, withdrawal, or overwhelm are signals from a nervous system that has been asked to hold too much. These are not flaws — they are attempts at protection. Find your person to wrap you into a big hug, or a secure cuddle. We need the arms and bodies of our people right now – take some refuge in that. Do you need a good orgasm? Bonus impact for multiple. Get it.

Appreciate your giant heart. Tenderness is a strength. Staying soft in a hard world takes courage. Sensitivity is not a weakness. It is a sign of a nervous system that still feels. Congrats that in a time that is dominated by sociopaths, you are a living, breathing, alive and caring person. Better news, you’re not alone, and there are tons of us. We’re vexed, we’re outraged, and we’re talking and planning, as we have our big feelings.

Make a plan to look forward to. It can be difficult to imagine the future when the day to day has so much tumult in it. But something on the horizon bringing you happiness and hope will do you a world of good. I can not overstate the healing power and hilarity of karaoke. A dinner party could be medicine. A weekend away could be just the thing. Put something just for you that will keep you going. One day at a time, steady as we go.

As women, we have always known deep in our bones that the personal is political and vice versa. We know that our humanity is bound up in each other which frees us to take care of ourselves and others. To quote the philosopher Nietzsche, “In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer”. During this very cold and tumultuous winter, do what you need to do to soothe yourselves and find hope. Whether we are communing with friends, taking action on a larger scale, or taking a nap in our warm beds, we are making choices for our survival and we are not alone. Take heart dear you - we’re in this together.

It bears repeating that our home at 67 Byberry will still be the hub you can count on for finding expert support for you and your family. Meg will be in office on Mondays and Thursdays to help keep things running smoothly and respond to inquiries. Kellie and Meg will still gently and skillfully help match anyone who calls with the therapist who is right for them.